HAVE YOURSELF A LAUGH AT THESE JOKES OR CONTACT ME TO ADD  YOUR OWN TO THIS PAGE - contact me at jzzyjazz14@aol.com and send me your jokes

A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles. Finally, the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man: "What are you looking at you old fart? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah. Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son."

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

There were two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "Ahhh...OMG! We are in an oven!!" The second muffin turns to that one and says "Ahhh...OMG! A talking muffin!!"

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender looks at him and ask "What is that for?" The pirate says "Argh, It's driving me nuts!"

Your mama is so fat when she sat on a quarter a booger popped out of george washingtons nose. Your mama is so old that when I told her to act her own age, she died. Your mama is so dumb she got locked in the grocery store and starved to death. Your mama is so fat that she has to iron her pants on the driveway. I taught your mom the running man and I haven't seen the bitch since. Your mama is what you call a carpenters delight, stiff as a board... easy to nail.

(nobody take offense to this one cuz I am gay as well...even though im a girl) Why do gay guys wear glow in the dark condoms? So they can play Star Wars.

How do you catch a unique rabbit? u-nique up on it. How do you tame a unique rabbit? tame way, u-nique up on it.

What kind of b produces milk?  a boo-b

My neighbor is an ass and my owner beats me... What am I? a penis

My dad had died and I wanted to get the best for his funeral. I talked to the undertaker and told him "I want the best for my dad" he said "ok" A week later i got a bill for $85 and i paid it. The next week i got another bill for $85 and I was like ok... and then I paid that one. I got ANOTHER bill the next week... it was another $85 . I called up the undertaker and asked him "Hey I keep getting these bills for $85. What is up with that?" and the undertaker says "You said you wanted the best for your father, right?" "Yes" I responded. "Well I rented him a tux."